[ a really long pause, like he's not entirely sure how to answer the question at first. ]

I think ... I had spent time fostering this growing resentment for Mystra within me. As dark and powerful as the orb itself. I was beginning to explore options beyond her reach, her domain. I was gaining illithid psionics, and toying with the Shadow Weave, and it was working. You know I could-- I'd greatly deepened my well of magic by proper application of the Shadow Weave. Shar's Weave. Imagine what I could do if I had more than a few scant days to work on that. I was beginning to walk a path towards something I had already seen the end of. The path Karsus walked as well.

I thought about how after everything, she sent Elminster to deliver her missive. After my father passed, he was - ... Well he has known me since I was quite young. But even he has no ability to deny Mystra beyond a few disguised words.

I think I simply felt very alone. And terrified. And in that moment, I snapped back the other direction, like a bow string being pulled taunt. I made a decision that I already regretted even before it began. I agree it was a mistake, and I would take it back.