[it's... a lot, to be asked. does she want to die? no. not really. everything about her short stint outside of the hells has been her wanting to live. she's been trying.
but that's not here. here, she has two timebombs. she has the one in her chest, and the one in her head. the bloodlust is mostly gone, but she knows it won't be. she knows she'll be sitting on a thursday night, digging her nails into her leg to stop her from ripping out someone's throat, and she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to watch as someone stares up at her, tears in their eyes, waiting for her to wrench a sword through their heart. not again.
she doesn't want to leave gale and astarion. she doesn't want to leave vin, or suguru. she loves them all so much, and she knows that she was providing sunlight for them, or - at least, she was trying. she doesn't want to steal that away, but so many people have told her to ask for something she wants, for once.
so. she doesn't want to die, but she doesn't want to be alive, either.]
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but that's not here. here, she has two timebombs. she has the one in her chest, and the one in her head. the bloodlust is mostly gone, but she knows it won't be. she knows she'll be sitting on a thursday night, digging her nails into her leg to stop her from ripping out someone's throat, and she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to watch as someone stares up at her, tears in their eyes, waiting for her to wrench a sword through their heart. not again.
she doesn't want to leave gale and astarion. she doesn't want to leave vin, or suguru. she loves them all so much, and she knows that she was providing sunlight for them, or - at least, she was trying. she doesn't want to steal that away, but so many people have told her to ask for something she wants, for once.
so. she doesn't want to die, but she doesn't want to be alive, either.]
I want to go. [she says, finally. tired.] Please.