I am not dissuading you. Only curious. [ when he puts it that way, heâs not wrong. ]
⌠Although I do wonder why you went ahead with using that orb in the first place. From my perspective you werenât exactly eager to be talked down, but you did listen.
[ a really long pause, like he's not entirely sure how to answer the question at first. ]
I think ... I had spent time fostering this growing resentment for Mystra within me. As dark and powerful as the orb itself. I was beginning to explore options beyond her reach, her domain. I was gaining illithid psionics, and toying with the Shadow Weave, and it was working. You know I could-- I'd greatly deepened my well of magic by proper application of the Shadow Weave. Shar's Weave. Imagine what I could do if I had more than a few scant days to work on that. I was beginning to walk a path towards something I had already seen the end of. The path Karsus walked as well.
I thought about how after everything, she sent Elminster to deliver her missive. After my father passed, he was - ... Well he has known me since I was quite young. But even he has no ability to deny Mystra beyond a few disguised words.
I think I simply felt very alone. And terrified. And in that moment, I snapped back the other direction, like a bow string being pulled taunt. I made a decision that I already regretted even before it began. I agree it was a mistake, and I would take it back.
[ not appearing in this tag: me putting my head on the table and going âNOOOOO đâ ]
âŚ
[ oh and doesnât that hit a little too close to the belt. âI simply felt very alone. And terrified.â while gale talks, he remains silent, his eyes still closed as he listens. and when gale is finished, he opens them, squinting slightly in the light. ]
I have found, over the years, that as benevolent or kind as some of them seem, the gods will do very little to help you when you actually need it. Not when they could be doing something for themselves instead. [ when youâre desperate, and scared and alone, and no one answers. ] It was never the gods that did anything for me. It was only myself. For so long.
âŚ
And so, you want to use this wish to undo what happened. To take it back, as you said? But despite everythingâ [ he reaches out a hand and taps his finger once on the centre of galeâs chest. ] The orb is still here.
[ he has a lot of thoughts lately on the divine versus mortality, but the point being made is true. the gods are not inclined to help, or at least, don't see their lives as significant enough to intervene in often. his isolation had not been nearly as long as Astarion's, either, and it had felt like torture for even that year.
he looks down with the tap on his chest, giving a bit of a wan smile, breathing out a long sigh as if he's been holding his breath. ]
Yes. And likely will be even if I manage to reverse that decision. I am a man with quite a few problems, and solving all of them is going to take some doing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ he will lay back at this point too, crossing his hands over his chest and toying with his fingers. ]
I ... just do not think I have a choice. If I choose not to do it, I will die. If I choose to do it, I may die. But inaction will be the end of me.
no subject
I am not dissuading you. Only curious. [ when he puts it that way, heâs not wrong. ]
⌠Although I do wonder why you went ahead with using that orb in the first place. From my perspective you werenât exactly eager to be talked down, but you did listen.
no subject
I think ... I had spent time fostering this growing resentment for Mystra within me. As dark and powerful as the orb itself. I was beginning to explore options beyond her reach, her domain. I was gaining illithid psionics, and toying with the Shadow Weave, and it was working. You know I could-- I'd greatly deepened my well of magic by proper application of the Shadow Weave. Shar's Weave. Imagine what I could do if I had more than a few scant days to work on that. I was beginning to walk a path towards something I had already seen the end of. The path Karsus walked as well.
I thought about how after everything, she sent Elminster to deliver her missive. After my father passed, he was - ... Well he has known me since I was quite young. But even he has no ability to deny Mystra beyond a few disguised words.
I think I simply felt very alone. And terrified. And in that moment, I snapped back the other direction, like a bow string being pulled taunt. I made a decision that I already regretted even before it began. I agree it was a mistake, and I would take it back.
no subject
âŚ
[ oh and doesnât that hit a little too close to the belt. âI simply felt very alone. And terrified.â while gale talks, he remains silent, his eyes still closed as he listens. and when gale is finished, he opens them, squinting slightly in the light. ]
I have found, over the years, that as benevolent or kind as some of them seem, the gods will do very little to help you when you actually need it. Not when they could be doing something for themselves instead. [ when youâre desperate, and scared and alone, and no one answers. ] It was never the gods that did anything for me. It was only myself. For so long.
âŚ
And so, you want to use this wish to undo what happened. To take it back, as you said? But despite everythingâ [ he reaches out a hand and taps his finger once on the centre of galeâs chest. ] The orb is still here.
no subject
[ he has a lot of thoughts lately on the divine versus mortality, but the point being made is true. the gods are not inclined to help, or at least, don't see their lives as significant enough to intervene in often. his isolation had not been nearly as long as Astarion's, either, and it had felt like torture for even that year.
he looks down with the tap on his chest, giving a bit of a wan smile, breathing out a long sigh as if he's been holding his breath. ]
Yes. And likely will be even if I manage to reverse that decision. I am a man with quite a few problems, and solving all of them is going to take some doing.
no subject
[ theyâre all! just little guys! with so many issues. ]
You could always ask to reverse and burn out the orb in the same wish. No one ever got anywhere by being restrained with their wants.