[ well his ex did just send basically his father figure to deliver the message "kill yourself" which he then decided to do, so he would argue that perhaps it was, at worst, comparing a bad day at the office to a car accident in ye olde fantasy terms but
he still looks mildly shocked, and then extremely guilty. his hands start to fidget and he shuffles a foot, a little tangled up in Thoughts about that. ]
Right, I-- [ his mouth pulls to one side. ] I did fully intend to aide you with that. I'm sorry to have left before I could. I had a spell I was working on, and of course I wasn't there yet. Seems silly, really. The kind of thing I could cast without a thought only but a few years ago, but seems perhaps much farther away now [ realizing he's rambling ] but, ah. A large, burning column of light that burns like the sun. Sounds helpful, dealing with a vampiric lord, no? Aha.
[ one of the entry requirements for “an origin character in Baldur’s Gate 3” was “aggressive fucked up backstory that bleeds into the main plot” and i stand by that.
he waves a hand. ]
I imagine light would’ve been rather effective, yes. They all seemed to hate Shadowheart’s glowy little mace more than enough.
A knife did the trick though. Who’d have thought.
… I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve really had the time to think about it.
[ sometimes you find freedom and then are immediately trapped somewhere else and that’s lovely. that’s just lovely. processing time? we don’t know her. ]
Then again, I imagine [ he gestures. ] your situation must be strange as well, considering you’re not—
[ there a long pause, while he turns that over. yes, it's a little funny, isn't it? the parallel tracks they all seem to find themselves on.
he hates to think it, to acknowledge the beast of the thought hulking in the corner of the room, but there was a certain amount of hope for some sense of relief in death that hasn't come. maybe it's the same for astarion.
he could be right, perhaps it's a simple matter of time. ]
... It's strange, I admit. To fling yourself through the cage door after all that struggle against it and then to find yourself terrified of the open sky.
I’ve been terrified of the open sky since I woke up on that beach. It just took me far too long to realise it.
[ and that’s maybe a little too vulnerable, a little too open for him even after everything. he can feel the defensive hackles rising like a cornered animal, and sucks a slow breath through his nose.
talking about yourself is as terrifying as stepping out into the world and realising there’s no longer something around your neck that you cannot control, holding you back. ]
Some people are much more talented at that sort of thing, I suppose.
[ he doesn't exactly have the same coping mechanism when it comes to this sort of thing - whenever gale has been offered a chance to open the book on his vulnerabilities, the problem is almost entirely the opposite. entirely too messy and too much at once.
but there's a look of almost appreciation that astarion has said something like that in front of him. it's nice to hear that kind of thing from him. he'll give a matching huff of a laugh, making a gesture as if he's brushing off that second part. ]
Don't take this the wrong way ... [ that means whatever is coming is a compliment: ] but I don't think you give yourself nearly enough credit, Astarion. You've proven yourself over and over in the most trying of circumstances. It's something to be proud of.
[ he immediately bursts into flames and dies weekend 0. bye. ]
…
Frankly, I’m still not sure if I made the right choice back in Cazador’s mansion. I wouldn’t go praising me for things I’m not sure I didn’t make a huge mistake over.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he might be slightly on edge for the next 2 to 4 business days please hold ]
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he still looks mildly shocked, and then extremely guilty. his hands start to fidget and he shuffles a foot, a little tangled up in Thoughts about that. ]
Right, I-- [ his mouth pulls to one side. ] I did fully intend to aide you with that. I'm sorry to have left before I could. I had a spell I was working on, and of course I wasn't there yet. Seems silly, really. The kind of thing I could cast without a thought only but a few years ago, but seems perhaps much farther away now [ realizing he's rambling ] but, ah. A large, burning column of light that burns like the sun. Sounds helpful, dealing with a vampiric lord, no? Aha.
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he waves a hand. ]
I imagine light would’ve been rather effective, yes. They all seemed to hate Shadowheart’s glowy little mace more than enough.
A knife did the trick though. Who’d have thought.
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[ sometimes you find freedom and then are immediately trapped somewhere else and that’s lovely. that’s just lovely. processing time? we don’t know her. ]
Then again, I imagine [ he gestures. ] your situation must be strange as well, considering you’re not—
[ exploded. atomised. kaboomed. ]
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[ there a long pause, while he turns that over. yes, it's a little funny, isn't it? the parallel tracks they all seem to find themselves on.
he hates to think it, to acknowledge the beast of the thought hulking in the corner of the room, but there was a certain amount of hope for some sense of relief in death that hasn't come. maybe it's the same for astarion.
he could be right, perhaps it's a simple matter of time. ]
... It's strange, I admit. To fling yourself through the cage door after all that struggle against it and then to find yourself terrified of the open sky.
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I’ve been terrified of the open sky since I woke up on that beach. It just took me far too long to realise it.
[ and that’s maybe a little too vulnerable, a little too open for him even after everything. he can feel the defensive hackles rising like a cornered animal, and sucks a slow breath through his nose.
talking about yourself is as terrifying as stepping out into the world and realising there’s no longer something around your neck that you cannot control, holding you back. ]
Some people are much more talented at that sort of thing, I suppose.
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but there's a look of almost appreciation that astarion has said something like that in front of him. it's nice to hear that kind of thing from him. he'll give a matching huff of a laugh, making a gesture as if he's brushing off that second part. ]
Don't take this the wrong way ... [ that means whatever is coming is a compliment: ] but I don't think you give yourself nearly enough credit, Astarion. You've proven yourself over and over in the most trying of circumstances. It's something to be proud of.
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…
Frankly, I’m still not sure if I made the right choice back in Cazador’s mansion. I wouldn’t go praising me for things I’m not sure I didn’t make a huge mistake over.
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What's done is done, at this point. I'm sure whichever choice you made was praiseworthy.
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I guess I'll find out, eventually. Presuming we find a way out of this place.