[ that is exactly the answer he expected to hear but it doesn’t make it sting less in the moment. of all of them, does karlach not deserve the chance to live the most?
but he’s been speaking about this all night, heard every opinion and piece of advice and insight possible, and the only thing left to do now is make a decision. and maybe that is letting her make the decision. ]
This is truly what you want? If it is about what you have done, you have done nothing to deserve death. If it is out of some reasoning of providing for anyone else, or granting some wish, I don’t care for any of that. None of that is important.
[ it's about what he expected to hear. karlach is tired. she doesn't want to hurt anyone. the weight of this place, the guilt of killing someone in the way it happened weighing down on her shoulders.
... ]
We'd ask if you were sure either way. But I, personally, need to know: if this is what you want, then tell me seriously that that is the case. Not what you think is best for everyone. Not what you think is best for us.
[ he might be asking her to just repeat herself. but after yesterday, it's something he has to hear. clearly, and concisely. ]
[it's... a lot, to be asked. does she want to die? no. not really. everything about her short stint outside of the hells has been her wanting to live. she's been trying.
but that's not here. here, she has two timebombs. she has the one in her chest, and the one in her head. the bloodlust is mostly gone, but she knows it won't be. she knows she'll be sitting on a thursday night, digging her nails into her leg to stop her from ripping out someone's throat, and she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to watch as someone stares up at her, tears in their eyes, waiting for her to wrench a sword through their heart. not again.
she doesn't want to leave gale and astarion. she doesn't want to leave vin, or suguru. she loves them all so much, and she knows that she was providing sunlight for them, or - at least, she was trying. she doesn't want to steal that away, but so many people have told her to ask for something she wants, for once.
so. she doesn't want to die, but she doesn't want to be alive, either.]
[ how would she have felt about being killed and dragged back to life was a question that had come up yesterday, in the middle of everything. "what are you going to do?" "what's your plan?" all said with sympathetic eyes and sad looks like he wasn't being casually asked if, how and when he planned to kill one of the few people he trusts.
he shouldn't be mad about it, but he's not kind enough or good enough to not be frustrated and angry at it all.
it had always been about what karlach wanted though. truly, at the end of it all.
astarion just nods, and waits to see what gale asks of her. ]
secondly, that's... a relief at least. it might not be the way they would've wanted to do this, but it's still fixing her heart. no more avernus, no worrying about her engine exploding and giving out on the surface. what a change that will be, if they get as far as bringing her back. ]
A few people have been using their wishes now, from what I'm hearing. I suppose that means they work.
i don't know what's supposed to happen with it - but i imagine they will see the glow stop, and the vents shift and change, and - then she's just a tiefling. just a normal, seven foot tiefling with no glowy bits or vents or anything. she's just her. for the first time in ten years.]
[ if the circumstances weren't so dire, he'd be having a nerd freakout over this. as it stands he's had zero sleep but this is still pretty exciting. ]
[ isn't that a thing? proof right in front of them that these stupid wishes work, and work well. karlach cliffgate, in all her flesh and bone and glory. ]
An admittedly large part of me simply believed that it wouldn't.
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[ he will tap his fingers against the barrier, idly. ]
Yes, we agreed to leave it until today and make sure we were all on the same page.
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I don't want to hurt someone again. [exhaustedly.]
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The board remains, and as long as it does it can be used again.
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[ it's! a lot of pressure! but it is ultimately karlach's call. ]
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... I don't want that. [she doesn't want to be yanked around. she's tired.
silence, and then:]
If you kill me, I want you to use it to fix something for you. Either of you.
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but he’s been speaking about this all night, heard every opinion and piece of advice and insight possible, and the only thing left to do now is make a decision. and maybe that is letting her make the decision. ]
This is truly what you want? If it is about what you have done, you have done nothing to deserve death. If it is out of some reasoning of providing for anyone else, or granting some wish, I don’t care for any of that. None of that is important.
I want to know what you want, for yourself alone.
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... ]
We'd ask if you were sure either way. But I, personally, need to know: if this is what you want, then tell me seriously that that is the case. Not what you think is best for everyone. Not what you think is best for us.
[ he might be asking her to just repeat herself. but after yesterday, it's something he has to hear. clearly, and concisely. ]
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but that's not here. here, she has two timebombs. she has the one in her chest, and the one in her head. the bloodlust is mostly gone, but she knows it won't be. she knows she'll be sitting on a thursday night, digging her nails into her leg to stop her from ripping out someone's throat, and she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to watch as someone stares up at her, tears in their eyes, waiting for her to wrench a sword through their heart. not again.
she doesn't want to leave gale and astarion. she doesn't want to leave vin, or suguru. she loves them all so much, and she knows that she was providing sunlight for them, or - at least, she was trying. she doesn't want to steal that away, but so many people have told her to ask for something she wants, for once.
so. she doesn't want to die, but she doesn't want to be alive, either.]
I want to go. [she says, finally. tired.] Please.
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Alright.
[ a brief pause. ]
But I want a promise from you.
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he shouldn't be mad about it, but he's not kind enough or good enough to not be frustrated and angry at it all.
it had always been about what karlach wanted though. truly, at the end of it all.
astarion just nods, and waits to see what gale asks of her. ]
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Anything.
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[ before the opportunity is gone forever. ]
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yes. ]
I would agree with that. If there is a chance to bring our dead back, I would rather you return whole and healthy.
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Okay, okay. I will. I don't - even know how to -- I will.
[she donks her head against the barrier. it'll make her easier to kill! haha!]
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[ letting his head rest against the barrier too, clearly relieved. ]
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secondly, that's... a relief at least. it might not be the way they would've wanted to do this, but it's still fixing her heart. no more avernus, no worrying about her engine exploding and giving out on the surface. what a change that will be, if they get as far as bringing her back. ]
A few people have been using their wishes now, from what I'm hearing. I suppose that means they work.
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[she might as well.]
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I wouldn't hate that.
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We'd know either way, I suppose. You can't really hide a heart.
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[and... she concentrates!
i don't know what's supposed to happen with it - but i imagine they will see the glow stop, and the vents shift and change, and - then she's just a tiefling. just a normal, seven foot tiefling with no glowy bits or vents or anything. she's just her. for the first time in ten years.]
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... It really does work.
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An admittedly large part of me simply believed that it wouldn't.
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i mean, she bursts into tears! but they're happy tears this time, it's okay!!!]
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Thank you.
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well, they can't make it through the barrier to group hug it out which is rude, but he does look relieved as well. ]
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