[ oh. mood. i have just been throwing things into the abyss.
but yay!!
and the thing is— Astarion remembers this. not all of it, naturally. he isn’t gale. he could try to slip into his mind, read his thoughts, but he has memories of that going poorly for him in those early days where everyone was a stranger and he couldn’t trust a one of them.
but he had been there, in that moment. all of them have one glaring difference in what they remember. who had been there at the start, who had collected all of them into that ragtag little group. astarion would say he was. gale and karlach would say differently. but in astarion’s version of events, he had seen elminster and heard this discussion about what forgiveness looked like to a goddess. but he hadn’t had this window into gale’s thoughts on the matter at the time, or how he’d felt afterwards. ]
…
[ “that goddess of yours really is a bitch, isn’t she?” would be correct, and would be a fitting thing to say. but perhaps it wouldn’t be appropriate. ]
I’m not sure I ever want to know the inner workings of the divine’s mind.
[ he’s not so far gone in his own trauma and struggles that he can’t see every thing mystra did here that was designed to hurt. he wonders if mystra was aware of it, or if she was simply too beyond the norm to care. ]
[ it is probably too generous of gale to assume that mystra does not know or understand how painful of of this would be. she has always been a jealous goddess. perhaps it's a bit of self-protection in the end - if she doesn't understand it, then the cruelty of it doesn't need to be so perfectly wielding, and he doesn't have to admit how painfully well-placed it had been. ]
... Well, this particular directive was rather clever all things considered. She could be rid of a certain pestering issue while at the same time doing her divine duty to protect the realm in one fell swoop. Or large explosion, as it were.
[ sorry but. he does laugh a little - but not meanly. ]
Surely, Astarion, you would not deny anyone their right to be a tad petty.
[ astarion you LOVE being petty. ]
I suppose the question I have is I still do not fully understand the true nature of this thing within me, while it seems she herself might have answers. And yet, does not deign to share them.
[ it is a true act of being petty that his immediate response is just: ]
Yes, I would actually. [ all my homies hate mystra. but, well. he has very little reason to trust or believe in the good nature of a god regardless of who they are. ]
So, as I said. She likely has some understanding of how to contain or deal with the orb, she just chooses not to. [ naturally ]
[ well he knew some of what cazador has done, even a few details, but to see and feel it is a different beast, even beyond what the tadpole had shared.
sometimes it's difficult because what do you even say to that? words sounds pithy and pity probably isn't what he wants. so.]
Yes, it's all rather a poke in the eye, isn't it? But-- I believe strongly you will be alright. I do trust the Overseers, you know. I get that seems strange, but they don't seem all that bloodthirsty.
And you're quite clever and resourceful. I imagine you'll be headed home to enjoy it.
[ ... ]
There was something I wasn't sure if I should speak of, but I think I should offer you the opportunity.
I'm happier with them than I was when we first arrived here. Trust is... pushing it, perhaps. But one of them dying certainly makes it harder to believe they're running with ulterior motives.
But we do have another entire cult to deal with to get to that point. Maybe we should be taking this as a test run for the Absolute?
Hah-- I'm not sure I need practice, but I suppose if you're searching for a silver lining.
[ he puts his hands behind his back, twiddling his thumbs. ]
I know you said you did not care to make the match, and I would not presume to change your mind on that - it is, of course, entirely up to you. I completely understand your desire to remain independent and reliant upon yourself - and hopefully Karlach and myself - in this endeavour. However I do know who your partner is, should you ever care to change your mind. The opportunity is available to you.
If you're planning on undoing what happened before, you might.
[ can't just bomb the absolute this time, mr dekarios. ]
... [ he sighs. ] I asked about it the other day, actually. I'm still not interested, but there's a power to knowing in order to tip-toe about the topic if they come to me about it.
[ so he has a very vague idea of things, but not much knowledge overall. ] You've been very proactive then, in your search.
I did not indicate to them I knew in any way, because I wanted to be sure to pass it along to you first. So you have the power in the decision, as it were.
[ so ... if he wants it, gale has it. ]
Yes. Though not particularly fruitful. I get the feeling my partner does not wish to be found.
[ i dont think he can share without their permission or testing the boundaries of a confirmed pair, so he'll need to ask them first before he can say exactly who. ]
Die, I suppose?
[ A JOKE. sort of. ]
The rules allow for a pairing of two who are orphaned, as it were. So I would need to luck out in that sense. Otherwise, the options are wait until closer to the end assuming I also survive that long, where they might feel their chance to succeed is stronger.
... Given the rate of death we saw last week, "lucking out" might not be so impossible. You may just need to survive long enough for it to come into play.
I agree. Dark as it is to pin one's hopes on another dying.
[ raising his eyebrows like. astarion your brain is so smooth and perfect but he knows you have enough of a murder wrinkle in there to put this one together. ]
Something along the lines of what Vin did. Though I do not know for certain if she was rewarded for her actions or not.
A question only Vin can answer, and I admit to being afraid to ask.
[ if the answer is yes, the temptation will rise. ]
I am hesitant to follow the directives of the Overseers, who would like to us to believe that once transformed, there is no cure but death for one monstrously changed. But I don't believe that to be true. After all, was not the same thought of us? With our inconvenient tadpoles?
[ which is the issue here, the temptation. what would you do for a cure? ]
Well, if there is a hidden cure it's worth remembering we had a hell of a time making any headway with our issue. So if we're going to assume that, we should probably start taking that thought seriously before there's no one left to ponder a cure.
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but yay!!
and the thing is— Astarion remembers this. not all of it, naturally. he isn’t gale. he could try to slip into his mind, read his thoughts, but he has memories of that going poorly for him in those early days where everyone was a stranger and he couldn’t trust a one of them.
but he had been there, in that moment. all of them have one glaring difference in what they remember. who had been there at the start, who had collected all of them into that ragtag little group. astarion would say he was. gale and karlach would say differently. but in astarion’s version of events, he had seen elminster and heard this discussion about what forgiveness looked like to a goddess. but he hadn’t had this window into gale’s thoughts on the matter at the time, or how he’d felt afterwards. ]
…
[ “that goddess of yours really is a bitch, isn’t she?” would be correct, and would be a fitting thing to say. but perhaps it wouldn’t be appropriate. ]
I’m not sure I ever want to know the inner workings of the divine’s mind.
[ he’s not so far gone in his own trauma and struggles that he can’t see every thing mystra did here that was designed to hurt. he wonders if mystra was aware of it, or if she was simply too beyond the norm to care. ]
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... Well, this particular directive was rather clever all things considered. She could be rid of a certain pestering issue while at the same time doing her divine duty to protect the realm in one fell swoop. Or large explosion, as it were.
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[ all this bloody talk of sacrifice, back home, here, everywhere makes him want to throw something at a wall. ]
It's magic. You can burn through magic -- and not just by a bloody explosion.
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Surely, Astarion, you would not deny anyone their right to be a tad petty.
[ astarion you LOVE being petty. ]
I suppose the question I have is I still do not fully understand the true nature of this thing within me, while it seems she herself might have answers. And yet, does not deign to share them.
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Yes, I would actually. [ all my homies hate mystra. but, well. he has very little reason to trust or believe in the good nature of a god regardless of who they are. ]
So, as I said. She likely has some understanding of how to contain or deal with the orb, she just chooses not to. [ naturally ]
[ he might’ve said more, but it’s his turn to have all his personal feelings paraded around. ]
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sometimes it's difficult because what do you even say to that? words sounds pithy and pity probably isn't what he wants. so.]
... You said Cazador was dead now, yes?
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[ he’s already tired of this week. ]
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Good.
[ good!!!!!!!!!!!! ]
You deserve your freedom.
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the Look says "yes, well I'm not the only one here who deserves some freedom, am I?" ]
...
[ still. ]
I'm aware. Or, I'm getting used to it being real. But it's a little difficult to enjoy the whole thing when we ended up here right afterwards, though.
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Yes, it's all rather a poke in the eye, isn't it? But-- I believe strongly you will be alright. I do trust the Overseers, you know. I get that seems strange, but they don't seem all that bloodthirsty.
And you're quite clever and resourceful. I imagine you'll be headed home to enjoy it.
[ ... ]
There was something I wasn't sure if I should speak of, but I think I should offer you the opportunity.
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But we do have another entire cult to deal with to get to that point. Maybe we should be taking this as a test run for the Absolute?
[ ...? ]
Yes?
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[ he puts his hands behind his back, twiddling his thumbs. ]
I know you said you did not care to make the match, and I would not presume to change your mind on that - it is, of course, entirely up to you. I completely understand your desire to remain independent and reliant upon yourself - and hopefully Karlach and myself - in this endeavour. However I do know who your partner is, should you ever care to change your mind. The opportunity is available to you.
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[ can't just bomb the absolute this time, mr dekarios. ]
... [ he sighs. ] I asked about it the other day, actually. I'm still not interested, but there's a power to knowing in order to tip-toe about the topic if they come to me about it.
[ so he has a very vague idea of things, but not much knowledge overall. ] You've been very proactive then, in your search.
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[ guess he does not want to blow up anymore. not after the dog did it too. now it's just passé. ]
I did not indicate to them I knew in any way, because I wanted to be sure to pass it along to you first. So you have the power in the decision, as it were.
[ so ... if he wants it, gale has it. ]
Yes. Though not particularly fruitful. I get the feeling my partner does not wish to be found.
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... I suppose it wouldn't hurt.
[ knowing, and then making his own decisions. ]
Ah. [ ah. after he'd said that it was do or die when it came to the wish as well. ] ... And if they don't? What will you do then?
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Die, I suppose?
[ A JOKE. sort of. ]
The rules allow for a pairing of two who are orphaned, as it were. So I would need to luck out in that sense. Otherwise, the options are wait until closer to the end assuming I also survive that long, where they might feel their chance to succeed is stronger.
Or I take the initiative elsewhere.
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the LOOK he gives him like GALE. ]
... Given the rate of death we saw last week, "lucking out" might not be so impossible. You may just need to survive long enough for it to come into play.
[ ... ]
Initative how, exactly.
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[ raising his eyebrows like. astarion your brain is so smooth and perfect but he knows you have enough of a murder wrinkle in there to put this one together. ]
Something along the lines of what Vin did. Though I do not know for certain if she was rewarded for her actions or not.
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[ he has the perfect single brain cell. ]
Hmm. I didn't consider if she'd been rewarded for an impromptu execution. I'll have to ask her. [ ... ] Would it be something as large as a wish?
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I’m not sure I find an item like being able to summon a swarm of bats into a room an equal enough pay-off for a timely assassination.
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[ if the answer is yes, the temptation will rise. ]
I am hesitant to follow the directives of the Overseers, who would like to us to believe that once transformed, there is no cure but death for one monstrously changed. But I don't believe that to be true. After all, was not the same thought of us? With our inconvenient tadpoles?
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[ which is the issue here, the temptation. what would you do for a cure? ]
Well, if there is a hidden cure it's worth remembering we had a hell of a time making any headway with our issue. So if we're going to assume that, we should probably start taking that thought seriously before there's no one left to ponder a cure.
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