It's a waste either way. And Karlach would've bleated my bloody ear off if I didn't talk to you about it before you ran off with all that self-sacrificial aplomb.
We very specifically did, but I'm starting to think if we asked each other who defaulted to leading our motley little group we'd all give very different answers.
[ sweet origin route. ]
Did she cry, yell, cry and yell, or look like you just booted Scratch across the camp right in front of her?
Yes, that is my conclusion as well. That perhaps we are slightly differing iterations upon the same people. Living a similar story, along similar paths, but with diverging choices. That is why you don't remember holding a knife to my throat, and I do not remember us having any conversation regarding Elminster's missive.
[ sweet origin run ....... ]
Ah. All of it. And some fire. I felt rather badly, I didn't think it would affect her quite so much.
[ y'know when someone does the "mehmehmeeeh mehmeh" when someone's talking? astarion's absolutely doing a muted, silent version of that but with the full motions. ]
...
[ ahem. ]
Yes, well. We made it to Baldur's Gate. Whole crew in mostly one piece, somehow.
[ well his ex did just send basically his father figure to deliver the message "kill yourself" which he then decided to do, so he would argue that perhaps it was, at worst, comparing a bad day at the office to a car accident in ye olde fantasy terms but
he still looks mildly shocked, and then extremely guilty. his hands start to fidget and he shuffles a foot, a little tangled up in Thoughts about that. ]
Right, I-- [ his mouth pulls to one side. ] I did fully intend to aide you with that. I'm sorry to have left before I could. I had a spell I was working on, and of course I wasn't there yet. Seems silly, really. The kind of thing I could cast without a thought only but a few years ago, but seems perhaps much farther away now [ realizing he's rambling ] but, ah. A large, burning column of light that burns like the sun. Sounds helpful, dealing with a vampiric lord, no? Aha.
[ one of the entry requirements for “an origin character in Baldur’s Gate 3” was “aggressive fucked up backstory that bleeds into the main plot” and i stand by that.
he waves a hand. ]
I imagine light would’ve been rather effective, yes. They all seemed to hate Shadowheart’s glowy little mace more than enough.
A knife did the trick though. Who’d have thought.
… I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve really had the time to think about it.
[ sometimes you find freedom and then are immediately trapped somewhere else and that’s lovely. that’s just lovely. processing time? we don’t know her. ]
Then again, I imagine [ he gestures. ] your situation must be strange as well, considering you’re not—
[ there a long pause, while he turns that over. yes, it's a little funny, isn't it? the parallel tracks they all seem to find themselves on.
he hates to think it, to acknowledge the beast of the thought hulking in the corner of the room, but there was a certain amount of hope for some sense of relief in death that hasn't come. maybe it's the same for astarion.
he could be right, perhaps it's a simple matter of time. ]
... It's strange, I admit. To fling yourself through the cage door after all that struggle against it and then to find yourself terrified of the open sky.
I’ve been terrified of the open sky since I woke up on that beach. It just took me far too long to realise it.
[ and that’s maybe a little too vulnerable, a little too open for him even after everything. he can feel the defensive hackles rising like a cornered animal, and sucks a slow breath through his nose.
talking about yourself is as terrifying as stepping out into the world and realising there’s no longer something around your neck that you cannot control, holding you back. ]
Some people are much more talented at that sort of thing, I suppose.
[ he doesn't exactly have the same coping mechanism when it comes to this sort of thing - whenever gale has been offered a chance to open the book on his vulnerabilities, the problem is almost entirely the opposite. entirely too messy and too much at once.
but there's a look of almost appreciation that astarion has said something like that in front of him. it's nice to hear that kind of thing from him. he'll give a matching huff of a laugh, making a gesture as if he's brushing off that second part. ]
Don't take this the wrong way ... [ that means whatever is coming is a compliment: ] but I don't think you give yourself nearly enough credit, Astarion. You've proven yourself over and over in the most trying of circumstances. It's something to be proud of.
[ he immediately bursts into flames and dies weekend 0. bye. ]
…
Frankly, I’m still not sure if I made the right choice back in Cazador’s mansion. I wouldn’t go praising me for things I’m not sure I didn’t make a huge mistake over.
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It's a waste either way. And Karlach would've bleated my bloody ear off if I didn't talk to you about it before you ran off with all that self-sacrificial aplomb.
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We'd ... had a conversation, about perhaps using the Absolute's power. But that was sitting rather oddly with me, you understand.
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No, you very specifically talked my ear off about blowing yourself up in the name of Mystra and I told you to shut up and ignored you.
[ paraphrased, but y'know. ]
Does Karlach know you went and incinerated yourself?
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We very specifically did not, but perhaps we will have to chalk that up to some differences between our perceptions of it.
[ nodding. ]
She does.
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[ sweet origin route. ]
Did she cry, yell, cry and yell, or look like you just booted Scratch across the camp right in front of her?
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[ sweet origin run ....... ]
Ah. All of it. And some fire. I felt rather badly, I didn't think it would affect her quite so much.
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Did I really hold a knife to your throat? [ he sounds rather enamoured with the idea. ] All I remember was having to pull you out of a portal.
[ oh.
the Look he gives gale. ]
Then you're a bloody idiot.
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[ SMILING. but his face drops a bit again, rubbing at his chest over the mark as if it smarts. ]
Of that, I have been made well aware.
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[ don't hold them to people's throats then. ]
... Hmm. I can imagine. She's quite loud when she's making a point. Or angry. Or happy. [ karlach mode. ]
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[ wow. don't tell the rogue how to rogue. ]
So, if that is my tale, what is yours? You clearly remember beyond this point.
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...
[ ahem. ]
Yes, well. We made it to Baldur's Gate. Whole crew in mostly one piece, somehow.
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I did just, in a sense, die. You could stand to be slightly more polite to me for say, I don't know, twenty four hours?
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[ and don't tell the rogue how to rogue!!! ]
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[ he might be slightly on edge for the next 2 to 4 business days please hold ]
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he still looks mildly shocked, and then extremely guilty. his hands start to fidget and he shuffles a foot, a little tangled up in Thoughts about that. ]
Right, I-- [ his mouth pulls to one side. ] I did fully intend to aide you with that. I'm sorry to have left before I could. I had a spell I was working on, and of course I wasn't there yet. Seems silly, really. The kind of thing I could cast without a thought only but a few years ago, but seems perhaps much farther away now [ realizing he's rambling ] but, ah. A large, burning column of light that burns like the sun. Sounds helpful, dealing with a vampiric lord, no? Aha.
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he waves a hand. ]
I imagine light would’ve been rather effective, yes. They all seemed to hate Shadowheart’s glowy little mace more than enough.
A knife did the trick though. Who’d have thought.
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[ sometimes you find freedom and then are immediately trapped somewhere else and that’s lovely. that’s just lovely. processing time? we don’t know her. ]
Then again, I imagine [ he gestures. ] your situation must be strange as well, considering you’re not—
[ exploded. atomised. kaboomed. ]
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[ there a long pause, while he turns that over. yes, it's a little funny, isn't it? the parallel tracks they all seem to find themselves on.
he hates to think it, to acknowledge the beast of the thought hulking in the corner of the room, but there was a certain amount of hope for some sense of relief in death that hasn't come. maybe it's the same for astarion.
he could be right, perhaps it's a simple matter of time. ]
... It's strange, I admit. To fling yourself through the cage door after all that struggle against it and then to find yourself terrified of the open sky.
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I’ve been terrified of the open sky since I woke up on that beach. It just took me far too long to realise it.
[ and that’s maybe a little too vulnerable, a little too open for him even after everything. he can feel the defensive hackles rising like a cornered animal, and sucks a slow breath through his nose.
talking about yourself is as terrifying as stepping out into the world and realising there’s no longer something around your neck that you cannot control, holding you back. ]
Some people are much more talented at that sort of thing, I suppose.
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but there's a look of almost appreciation that astarion has said something like that in front of him. it's nice to hear that kind of thing from him. he'll give a matching huff of a laugh, making a gesture as if he's brushing off that second part. ]
Don't take this the wrong way ... [ that means whatever is coming is a compliment: ] but I don't think you give yourself nearly enough credit, Astarion. You've proven yourself over and over in the most trying of circumstances. It's something to be proud of.
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…
Frankly, I’m still not sure if I made the right choice back in Cazador’s mansion. I wouldn’t go praising me for things I’m not sure I didn’t make a huge mistake over.
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What's done is done, at this point. I'm sure whichever choice you made was praiseworthy.
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I guess I'll find out, eventually. Presuming we find a way out of this place.